Dear Bandit

Bandit Heeler Brisbane Queensland  Australia Dear Bandit, Littles is transitioning to sleeping in her own bed - a "big girl sleep" as Bingo would put it. This is a positive, but it has the side-effect of getting her to sleep taking an age. I think that reluctance in childen to go to sleep at bedtime is universal. Bluey's proposed solution of becoming a fruitbat is elegant and workable - please tell her she has my full support! Of course, we read books to Littles before bed, but it doesn't always tire her out. She has a book called Bing's Noisy Day, which is not just a book - it has noise-making buttons at the side. Basically, if Chattermax were a book, he'd be that one. At one point it says "Listen closely, Bing. But all they could hear was RIBBIT RIBBIT". I made the mistake of saying what occurred to me - "All they could hear was radio gaga." This, apparently, is the funniest thing ever. Cue about an hour of jumping on the bed, chanting ...

Bandit Heeler Brisbane Queensland Australia Dear Bandit, We have so many books! We have books crammed into every available space. We'd have books in the cracks in the wall if we had cracks in the wall big enough, and we're thinking of investing in some large cracks in the wall. I was wondering what some of your favourites are? You mentioned Bluey and Bingo liked the Very Hungry Caterpillar, and discussed it at a book group with their mum. And I do hope Bingo liked the book about the Solar System I sent her! Littles has a mini library of (forgive me, Bandit!) Paw Patrol books, which she adores but I do not. I do like reading them to her by torchlight, but, Bandit! They're shit! It's like the writers knew the books would sell no matter what, so they just didn't bother. I'm genuinely annoyed that so little thought, so little love, went into them. Rhymes shouldn't really be dignified with the word, scansion... well, there isn't any, and there's no attent...

Bandit Heeler Brisbane Queensland  Australia Dear Bandit, I enjoyed reading your letter about keepy-uppy. I was very sorry to hear about Bluey's last balloon, and have enclosed a few balloons, which I hope she enjoys.  I have a question, though: is the grass in Australia very sharp? I've never known grass to pop a balloon. But then, I'm from Scotland, where grass is a liquid, so you understand my confusion! We've also been having some fun with balloons recently, and discovered a lot of cool things you can do with them. My favourite was when Littles taped a piece of paper to a balloon, declaring it a cape, and the balloon was upgraded to super-balloon (picture enclosed).   A different balloon met a darker fate, though, after Littles declared, "He really likes it when I pop him!" I have only her word for that, though. She also drew a picture of a balloon eating a balloon on a balloon, which I thought was wonderfully meta. We also made quite a lot of cool noises ...

Bandit Heeler Brisbane  Queensland Australia Dear Bandit, I have often said that one should never pay any attention to anyone who claims to be a "parenting expert", because there's no such thing. I should qualify that: there's no such thing, unless you count cartoon dogs. I do believe you are the closest thing there is to an actual parenting expert, so I'll be writing to you, even if others think that's a bit nuts, to talk about my experiences of being a dad, which is the best, and the hardest thing I've ever done. I hope this letter finds you well. Give my love to Chilli and the girls, Alastair.                                                                                                  ...