Dear Bandit

Bandit Heeler Brisbane Queensland  Australia Dear Bandit, I loved reading your letter about exercise. We don't get enough of it with small crazy people running around us, that's for sure! Most of my exercise consists of carrying Littles here and there on my shoulders - the "Good seat", she calls it. And, Bandit, that used to be easier! She's getting taller and I'm getting shorter. You're very right that it is important to exercise to stay healthy, but I'm not sure it's healthy to be worrying about your weight. In fact, I'm pretty sure that's an unhealthy attitude, especially when we show it in front of our kids. My advice would be to throw those scales away! They're not helping anyone. So if you're exercising because you want to be fit and healthy, good on you. But if it's because society is telling you that you're not an attractive shape, then society can just bugger off! I'm actually a bit worried about raising a daugh...

Bandit Heeler Brisbane Queensland Australia Dear Bandit, I enjoyed reading your letter about Bluey's visit from the Tooth Fairy. I don't know the exchange-rate, but I'm surprised someone sold her a toffee apple for five dollars - sounds to me like she got ripped off! Well, our big news is... Littles lost a tooth! This freaked me out more than a little because I was expecting it to be at least a year until this started happening. Coming to terms with the fact that my baby isn't a baby is always hard, but when irrefutable biological facts start weighing in on the argument, it's truly infuriating! Perhaps that's why it's so popular to infantilise children by presenting the Tooth Fairy as fact rather than a game. It's an outright rebellion against their growing up! I noticed it was wobbly when she was eating chopped up apple with peanut butter dip, and complained there was a bit of apple skin stuck between her teeth. Nothing unusual about that, so I went to ...

 Bandit Heeler Brisbane Queensland Australia Dear Bandit, I really enjoyed your letter about taking Bluey and Bingo to the cinema. It was hilarious! I took Littles to see Sonic 2 last night. She's been really excited about it for weeks, and has talked of little else since I booked the tickets. The film itself didn't disappoint. It had just the right balance of genuine excitement and complete absurdity, and it held my more discerning adult attention throughout. We took Littles's Sonic and Tails cuddly toys (because obviously they wanted to see their own film. No red carpet for them, though, which was odd.) We also brought our own snacks. I know this is discouraged by cinemas, but frankly, cinema snacks and cinema tickets are both outrageously overpriced, so it's one or the other I'm afraid! Littles was bouncing up and down excitedly - it was a bouncing up and down excitedly sort of film - and she noticed a slightly younger boy doing the same thing in our row. Our row...

Bandit Heeler Brisbane Queensland Australia Dear Bandit, I really enjoyed reading your letter about playing Pirates in the park. Even though having kids does give us the excuse we've been longing for to make an arse of ourselves in public, it can be hard. Well done for being an awesome blue whale. I found myself at the park with Littles on the way home from nursery. She was content to play with a boy who used to go to her nursery, but is now at school, so I got to sit on a bench and relax for a bit. Unfortunately she had something of a mini-fall-out that was a little bit my fault. The boy went to the toilet, and Littles came to me complaining that she had no one to play with, and I made the mistake of suggesting that she played with another friend I had spotted nearby. She fell into a state of deep contemplation, considering carefully whether it was worth the small spark of courage that would be needed. The first friend returned, and Littles informed him bluntly, "I actually w...

Bandit Heeler Brisbane Queensland Australia Dear Bandit, I pointed out to Littles a curious effect of intersecting curves of light in a cup. I call this the "light-bum" because, let's be honest, what else does it look like? Photo enclosed.    I actually think it looks a bit better in the bottom of an empty cup, but it's easier to photograph if the cup is full.          I think Bluey and Bingo would really appreciate this one. But instead of just showing it to them, maybe you could make it a challenge: can you find a bum made of light? Offer a ridiculous prize like horsey-rides on demand for a week. I'm sure they'll get it. It'll take them the better part of 8 minutes, I imagine. And for bonus points... DOUBLE LIGHT-BUM IN THE BATH!         I have since learned that the proper name for this phenomenon is a "caustic curve", and now that I know that, I feel entitled to change my name to Sciency McScienceface. Give my love to Chilli and...

Bandit Heeler Brisbane Queensland Australia Dear Bandit, I really enjoyed reading your letter about Bluey's first steps, and the photo you enclosed was just adorable! It got me thinking about transitions, because Littles has just had a big one. Maybe the biggest this side of 12. She is weaned. Or, I should say, she and Beloved are weaned; it's always weird how people talk about it like a solo act! They both did it. She's four, which is on the old side for mainstream society, but on the young for the give-birth-in-the-woods hippies that populate parenting forums (by the way, tell Indy's mum I said hi.) So Beloved is getting judged from both sides, and has already encountered some people online forcefully advising her to re-lactate at all costs! This is a transition which differs from all the others, in two key respects. First of all, it sucks. When you move from nappies to potty, then potty to toilet, you gain independence. You get to use the toilet all by yourself, and ...

Bandit Heeler Brisbane Queensland  Australia Dear Bandit, Littles is transitioning to sleeping in her own bed - a "big girl sleep" as Bingo would put it. This is a positive, but it has the side-effect of getting her to sleep taking an age. I think that reluctance in childen to go to sleep at bedtime is universal. Bluey's proposed solution of becoming a fruitbat is elegant and workable - please tell her she has my full support! Of course, we read books to Littles before bed, but it doesn't always tire her out. She has a book called Bing's Noisy Day, which is not just a book - it has noise-making buttons at the side. Basically, if Chattermax were a book, he'd be that one. At one point it says "Listen closely, Bing. But all they could hear was RIBBIT RIBBIT". I made the mistake of saying what occurred to me - "All they could hear was radio gaga." This, apparently, is the funniest thing ever. Cue about an hour of jumping on the bed, chanting ...