Re: Books

Bandit Heeler
Brisbane

Queensland

Australia

Dear Bandit,

We have so many books! We have books crammed into every available space. We'd have books in the cracks in the wall if we had cracks in the wall big enough, and we're thinking of investing in some large cracks in the wall.

I was wondering what some of your favourites are? You mentioned Bluey and Bingo liked the Very Hungry Caterpillar, and discussed it at a book group with their mum. And I do hope Bingo liked the book about the Solar System I sent her!

Littles has a mini library of (forgive me, Bandit!) Paw Patrol books, which she adores but I do not. I do like reading them to her by torchlight, but, Bandit! They're shit! It's like the writers knew the books would sell no matter what, so they just didn't bother. I'm genuinely annoyed that so little thought, so little love, went into them. Rhymes shouldn't really be dignified with the word, scansion... well, there isn't any, and there's no attention to the characters whatsoever.

Some highlights of these literary masterworks:

Ryder is calling - there's someone in need!
Chase rushes to the scene at great speed!

Look out! Chickaletta is on the barn.

Marshall must make sure she comes to no harm.

And

But he also keeps the town clean.

He scoops things up to help the team.

That last one conjures some images that I'm not sure the authors intended. 

One way you can easily spot books of this quality is if the name of the author is no where to be found.

We do have some real beauties, though. We're big fans of Julia Donaldson, especially The Gruffalo and Room on the Broom. If you read The Smeds and the Smoos carefully, you may spot a clue to the Gruffalo's origins!

Room on the Broom, for me, is about immigration. New comers to the broom each contribute something valuable, first in the form of finding items the witch has dropped, then fighting off an evil dragon, and finally by contributing to a brand new broom. None of them seem to care much where the broom is going, and I love the sense of adventure generated by that simple fact. And they create a better, stronger broom society by bringing diversity to the broom.

But doesn't it send the wrong message, you may ask, that it was the frog who broke the broom, leaving the witch vulnerable to te dragon? Let me tell you something, Bandit. If a broom can be broken by a frog jumping on it... that broom was shit to begin with! But it is the contributions of the frog, cat and dog that allow her to build a new, better broom. All of which is just one dad's interpretation, so feel free to take it with a pinch of salt!

It would be remiss of me not to mention that we love a modern classic by a compatriot of yours, The Wonky Donkey! Surreal and irreverent, it has no plot and no message. Just a great big pile of increasingly silly wordplay!

I made a couple of cardboard storyscapes based on the Three Little Pigs and We're Going on a Bear Hunt (pictures enclosed).

I'm very proud of the "Thick, oozy mud" in the Bear Hunt one. I melted a wax crayon in the microwave. If you do this with the girls, you might not want to let them in on that secret... perhaps I should rephrase. Chilli might not want you to let them in on that secret!

I did these during the first lockdown, when it all seemed a bit of an adventure, and everyone learned to make banana bread. It seems a bit weird to be nostalgic for the early stages of a global pandemic, but it has dragged on so long now...

It occurs to me you might not even know what I'm talking about here, because it doesn't really affect dogs. I don't know if you're aware of this, but I'm from a neighbouring universe in which most people aren't dogs.

Give my love to Chilli and the Girls,

All the best,

Alastair.