Dear Bandit

Bandit Heeler Brisbane Queensland Australia Dear Bandit, I really enjoyed reading your letter about playing Pirates in the park. Even though having kids does give us the excuse we've been longing for to make an arse of ourselves in public, it can be hard. Well done for being an awesome blue whale. I found myself at the park with Littles on the way home from nursery. She was content to play with a boy who used to go to her nursery, but is now at school, so I got to sit on a bench and relax for a bit. Unfortunately she had something of a mini-fall-out that was a little bit my fault. The boy went to the toilet, and Littles came to me complaining that she had no one to play with, and I made the mistake of suggesting that she played with another friend I had spotted nearby. She fell into a state of deep contemplation, considering carefully whether it was worth the small spark of courage that would be needed. The first friend returned, and Littles informed him bluntly, "I actually w...

Bandit Heeler Brisbane Queensland Australia Dear Bandit, I pointed out to Littles a curious effect of intersecting curves of light in a cup. I call this the "light-bum" because, let's be honest, what else does it look like? Photo enclosed.    I actually think it looks a bit better in the bottom of an empty cup, but it's easier to photograph if the cup is full.          I think Bluey and Bingo would really appreciate this one. But instead of just showing it to them, maybe you could make it a challenge: can you find a bum made of light? Offer a ridiculous prize like horsey-rides on demand for a week. I'm sure they'll get it. It'll take them the better part of 8 minutes, I imagine. And for bonus points... DOUBLE LIGHT-BUM IN THE BATH!         I have since learned that the proper name for this phenomenon is a "caustic curve", and now that I know that, I feel entitled to change my name to Sciency McScienceface. Give my love to Chilli and...

Bandit Heeler Brisbane Queensland Australia Dear Bandit, I really enjoyed reading your letter about Bluey's first steps, and the photo you enclosed was just adorable! It got me thinking about transitions, because Littles has just had a big one. Maybe the biggest this side of 12. She is weaned. Or, I should say, she and Beloved are weaned; it's always weird how people talk about it like a solo act! They both did it. She's four, which is on the old side for mainstream society, but on the young for the give-birth-in-the-woods hippies that populate parenting forums (by the way, tell Indy's mum I said hi.) So Beloved is getting judged from both sides, and has already encountered some people online forcefully advising her to re-lactate at all costs! This is a transition which differs from all the others, in two key respects. First of all, it sucks. When you move from nappies to potty, then potty to toilet, you gain independence. You get to use the toilet all by yourself, and ...

Bandit Heeler Brisbane  Queensland Australia Dear Bandit, Having taken Littles to the park after nursery, I'm afraid I made the one mistake I reallys should have learned not to make by now. I left the house without a spare change of trousers. I parked myself on a bench and handed her some money to go get a fairycake (the best thing ever, as I'm sure you've been informed) from the cafe. Five minutes later, the woman from the cafe was leaning out the door beckoning urgently. I came in and she said "She's had a wee accident", and sure enough, there she was, standing in a puddle of her own making. She's been reliably toilet-trained for a few months, so this isn't something I'd expect to have to prepare for, hence being completely unprepared. I apologised profusely to the woman in the cafe, who, I must say, was an absolute legend about the whole thing. So I cleaned Littles up, and faced the problem of a fifteen minute walk between the park and home, wit...

Bandit Heeler Brisbane  Queensland Australia Dear Bandit, I enjoyed your letter about making up names for your kids. I hope Sharalanda and Shooby-Doowa are well! Silly things we have called Littles include, but are not limited to: Buzz, Buzzcake, Cake, The Cake, Bubble, Bubble-Wubble, Bubbleheid, Bubba, Babba, Babba-Wabba, Babba-Wabba Diddle Doo, and Fluffybum McBumface. I long for the days when she was too young to object to any of those! Today she insisted that she is "not silly" immediately after declaring "Jumping on Daddy Poo-Poo is fun!" After she had repeatedly called me "Daddy Poo-Poo", but objected strenuously to being called "Littles Poo-Poo", I introduced her to the delightful Scottish phrase - "Ye can dish it oot, but ye cannae take it!"  Roughly translated, it points out and criticises a perceived double standard. Give my love to Chilli and the girls,  Best wishes, Alastair.