Dear Bandit

Bandit Heeler Brisbane Queensland Australia Dear Bandit, Happy Easter! I really enjoyed reading your letter about the Easter Egg hunt at your house (though you might have spared a few details about the smelly toilet!) Sounds like the Easter Bunny really outdid himself! Littles also had an Easter Egg hunt with considerably simpler clues, culminating in "Who do you think would be hiding the biggest egg?" which was, of course, in a box to which I'd taped a magnificent rendering in my own hand of Dr. Robotnik, AKA Eggman, of Sonic the Hedgehog fame (Picture enclosed).            The other clues led to little eggs, each tucked away with a clue to the next. Naturally, Littles walked straight in, pointed to the Eggman picture and declared "I bet the big one's behind Dr. Eggman!", sparing me the trouble of having written any clues. Much chocolate was consumed, and despite our best efforts to get her to eat something other than chocolate, we got to experience the ph...

Bandit Heeler Brisbane Queensland Australia Dear Bandit, I have done my back in. After a pleasant evening yesterday shifting furniture for my sister, for which I was paid in pizza, I awoke this morning feeling OK. I picked Littles up in the persona of a monster, declaring, "Me found this sack of potatoes! What me do with this sack of potatoes?!" She would wriggle a bit. "This sack of potatoes moving! Is that normal for potatoes?" Eventually she protested, "I'm not a sack of potatoes, I'm a child!" "Aw, me sorry! Me thought you was a sack of potatoes," I said, throwing her down on the bed and tickling her.  Predictably enough, she said "Again!" and we went through the same routine five times. The weird thing is, my back didn't complain while I was actually doing it. Then it took a few minutes to think about it and then went "Nope!" It was a very sudden and painful "Nope", Bandit. The sort of "Nope...

 Bandit Heeler Brisbane Queensland Australia Dear Bandit, I really enjoyed your letter about taking Bluey and Bingo to the cinema. It was hilarious! I took Littles to see Sonic 2 last night. She's been really excited about it for weeks, and has talked of little else since I booked the tickets. The film itself didn't disappoint. It had just the right balance of genuine excitement and complete absurdity, and it held my more discerning adult attention throughout. We took Littles's Sonic and Tails cuddly toys (because obviously they wanted to see their own film. No red carpet for them, though, which was odd.) We also brought our own snacks. I know this is discouraged by cinemas, but frankly, cinema snacks and cinema tickets are both outrageously overpriced, so it's one or the other I'm afraid! Littles was bouncing up and down excitedly - it was a bouncing up and down excitedly sort of film - and she noticed a slightly younger boy doing the same thing in our row. Our row...

Bandit Heeler Brisbane Queensland Australia Dear Bandit, I really enjoyed reading your letter about playing Pirates in the park. Even though having kids does give us the excuse we've been longing for to make an arse of ourselves in public, it can be hard. Well done for being an awesome blue whale. I found myself at the park with Littles on the way home from nursery. She was content to play with a boy who used to go to her nursery, but is now at school, so I got to sit on a bench and relax for a bit. Unfortunately she had something of a mini-fall-out that was a little bit my fault. The boy went to the toilet, and Littles came to me complaining that she had no one to play with, and I made the mistake of suggesting that she played with another friend I had spotted nearby. She fell into a state of deep contemplation, considering carefully whether it was worth the small spark of courage that would be needed. The first friend returned, and Littles informed him bluntly, "I actually w...

Bandit Heeler Brisbane Queensland Australia Dear Bandit, I pointed out to Littles a curious effect of intersecting curves of light in a cup. I call this the "light-bum" because, let's be honest, what else does it look like? Photo enclosed.    I actually think it looks a bit better in the bottom of an empty cup, but it's easier to photograph if the cup is full.          I think Bluey and Bingo would really appreciate this one. But instead of just showing it to them, maybe you could make it a challenge: can you find a bum made of light? Offer a ridiculous prize like horsey-rides on demand for a week. I'm sure they'll get it. It'll take them the better part of 8 minutes, I imagine. And for bonus points... DOUBLE LIGHT-BUM IN THE BATH!         I have since learned that the proper name for this phenomenon is a "caustic curve", and now that I know that, I feel entitled to change my name to Sciency McScienceface. Give my love to Chilli and...

Bandit Heeler Brisbane Queensland Australia Dear Bandit, I really enjoyed reading your letter about Bluey's first steps, and the photo you enclosed was just adorable! It got me thinking about transitions, because Littles has just had a big one. Maybe the biggest this side of 12. She is weaned. Or, I should say, she and Beloved are weaned; it's always weird how people talk about it like a solo act! They both did it. She's four, which is on the old side for mainstream society, but on the young for the give-birth-in-the-woods hippies that populate parenting forums (by the way, tell Indy's mum I said hi.) So Beloved is getting judged from both sides, and has already encountered some people online forcefully advising her to re-lactate at all costs! This is a transition which differs from all the others, in two key respects. First of all, it sucks. When you move from nappies to potty, then potty to toilet, you gain independence. You get to use the toilet all by yourself, and ...

Bandit Heeler Brisbane  Queensland Australia Dear Bandit, Having taken Littles to the park after nursery, I'm afraid I made the one mistake I reallys should have learned not to make by now. I left the house without a spare change of trousers. I parked myself on a bench and handed her some money to go get a fairycake (the best thing ever, as I'm sure you've been informed) from the cafe. Five minutes later, the woman from the cafe was leaning out the door beckoning urgently. I came in and she said "She's had a wee accident", and sure enough, there she was, standing in a puddle of her own making. She's been reliably toilet-trained for a few months, so this isn't something I'd expect to have to prepare for, hence being completely unprepared. I apologised profusely to the woman in the cafe, who, I must say, was an absolute legend about the whole thing. So I cleaned Littles up, and faced the problem of a fifteen minute walk between the park and home, wit...